A little bit of background from the Indian history as the Pilgrim knows it.
Ratnakar was a dacoit who used to hide in the jungles along the only path that connected two villages. The path was long & lonely but villagers had to use it in order to get across from one village to the next very frequently.
Ratnakar would surprise them, kill them and take possession of their belongings. This way he would gather enough money for his family, put food on the table & a nice roof over their heads. Ratnakar never had a feeling of guilt of his actions.
Villagers were scared. They did not know how to fight Ratnakar. Most of them have not seen Ratnakar & lived after to describe his & his means to warn other villagers. Although they knew the dangers of walking the path alone or in the dark, they had no other option but to take this only way to the villages. Most of them did not make it across the jungle escaping Ratnakar. Those who did would cross in fear and chanting the name of God in hopes of divine protection.
One day Narada came along and like always he was singing the name of God and playing his musical instrument. Whether Narada knew about Ratnakar we do not know. Nonetheless it so happened that Ratnakar jumped upon Narada and quickly overpowered him. Looking for his loot, Ratnakar could not find any, except for Narada’s musical instrument. He snatched it hoping to sell it for a few pennies. Then he tied Narada to a tree & went about planning to kill him.
Narada pleaded for his life and argued that killing him would not get Ratnakar anything in return but bad Karma. Even his musical instrument, which he played while singing praises for God, would fetch him very little money in return. Narada asked whether Ratnakar thought that all sin from these killing & violence is worth the money he makes from such heinous acts.
Ratnakar justified that he has to do what any person would do for his family. He has an elderly mother at home. The money helps her with food & milk and occasional medicines to keep well. He has a young wife & the money helps to provide her with clothes and jewels and other creature comforts. With the money Ratnakar keeps her happy & fulfils her desires & wishes to keep up with society. Ratnakar has children. With the money from the loots he provides his children with good food, clothes, books to read & things to play with.
Ratnakar does all the vicious deeds for all his family to meet his duties & obligations to his mother, wife & children. Ratnakar was convinced that he is justified to make this kind of living & did not see anything wrong with his cruelty. He does what he has to do.
Narada continued to plead with him & asked Ratnakar to go back home & check with his mother, wife & children if they would take a piece of his sin, afterall, Ratnakar is not doing these horrible sins for himself but for his family. Ratnakar had assumed that they would all be sharing the sins of his Karma (his deeds) and he was confident that he would be back in no time with the answer that he already knows.
Upon arrival at home, Ratnakar rushed to his mother & explained all that happened in the forest with Narada and asked his mother if she would bear a part of his sins. His mother refused. She never asked him to sin to feed her or keep her well. Yes of course she expects that service from her son but she was not the one who asked or forced Ratnakar to choose his profession. The elderly mother wished to be left alone & not be bothered again with such an ominous request from his son.
Ratnakar found his wife inside the house & asked that being his other-half if she would own half of his sins from his actions, especially when a lot of his efforts go towards her happiness and buying her things that fulfill her desires. She trembled at the thought of killing someone just to fulfill her materialistic needs. She shuddered at the idea of hurting people just so that she could buy things for herself. She thanked Ratnakar for providing her with comfort and food but profusely refused to accept the sins for his deeds.
Ratnakar found his children & asked the same question. His children pointed out that he is the one responsible for their birth & reminded him politely & with respect that it is their father’s responsibility to provide them with health & wealth without asking him for anything in return but their services at his old age. The children would not accept the sinful fruits of his sinful actions.
Ratnakar rushed back to the jungle where he had kept Narada tied up. Finding him, Ratnakar realized that this person must be a yogi who had come his way to teach him a lesson. He fell at Narada’s feet begging for forgiveness & desperate to amend his life. Narada gave him a mantra & asked him to chant. Repeating the mantra will not absolve of the sins already committed but would help him to find a peaceful life forward.
Ratnakar realized that his actions are his own. Since he claimed his actions & owned the fruits of his actions, he alone has to own the sins and other effects of his actions. He realized that no one else would share either his actions or its outcome. It was always he alone! Everyone else who he thought were with him vanished into thin air. Ratnakar realized that all his sense of responsibility, duty, action, happiness, service, even to his own mother & his own family, were creations of his own mind & existed in his own perception of the world around him. Ratnakar suddenly found the Reality is just He & He alone! Everything else is how He wanted to perceive them – just like a mirage.
With that Realization, Ratnakar let the past go. His mind suddenly found Peace. His task ahead is clear – overcome his Karma. His ammunition is no longer hurtful killing devices but a sweet mantra. His family no longer existed – he has his Guru!
The story says that Ratnakar was determined to evolve & had full faith on his preceptor that he sat & chanted his mantra for 12 long years. The Realization sunk in & what we find come out of the sadhana is Rishi Valmiki, who is full of compassion, filled with love, sweet with words and living here-and-now.
The Pilgrim realized moments from his personal life where he had faced similar dilemma, even more intense scenes of psychological torments from people around him. He reflected back & as far as he could remember, there were not one but numerous such moments of Truth. The Pilgrim’s dilemma began to mount with every such moment. His choices became unclear by the day and his own actions seemed confusing to the extent that the decisions almost paralysed him.
The Pilgrim hoped every time that problems would go away miraculously. The problems remained and over time avalanched into something ominous. He had to retreat. In the quietness of his mind he saw a glimmer of hope. He realized he is Ratnakar. He sympathized with him. He knew what was coming.
Suddenly he felt strong. His acknowledgement of his own mistakes, his ownership of his own mistakes and his gratitude towards his Master to show him the way overwhelmed him. He knows the road ahead is uncertain. So he stopped seeking. The changes ahead were personal. So he stopped justifying. The days ahead were a blessing. He found himself ready to walk again.