For 20 year, The Pilgrim looked back and realized, he has been in conflict. It has been with himself. For 20 years he has been bearing, nurturing and coping with what suddenly seemed to be unbearable. All of a sudden, after these many long years, he realized it is all unnecessary. There was no need in the past, no need for it now and there will never be any need or welcome in the future. The dilemma is over.
From his school days The Pilgrim was inclined to solitude. Social requirements and standards seemed far fetched to appease a false sense of ego. Going after approvals and ushering compliments was not really something he liked or attempted. With time, he was able to find his own position and though that was not really a comfortable place to be, given he was always in a contractual agreement with his for-profit commercial employers, he was always able to get by. He thought, then, he was lucky. He knows now he is blessed.
Twenty years later, he knows luck is not really an appropriate word he would choose now to what he felt years ago. He feels blessed. He does not carry the burden of lying, he does not have to repent distortion of truth to make it work for the profiteering masters.
But he does feel the harshness that used to be. What he thought was the give-it-straight he now knows is inappropriate. In twenty years, he was taught, facts are not always the truth. And if truth be so harsh then it probably cannot be the truth, at least not in the way it can be given away. The Pilgrim chose silence.
But the one dilemma that persisted is the one of complete departure from what is called the family life. He reflected. The first 20 years have gone into education & obeying parents. The next 20 years went in, what he identified as, being in a family. Pieced together, Gurukul and Samsara is all about complete. He clenched his teeth for forty years and did what was customary. He bore the scars like they happened yesterday. He itched from the daily dose of curses. He witnessed innumerable Ratnakar moments. The Pilgrim accepted the cosmic deliverance.
In 2018 The Pilgrim met his Master. A mantra, a blessing, a spiritual-father & an idea to nurture. With that gained, there was no more dilemma. In its place was an aspiration. It was not a hope in any sense, it was almost the only thing needed to keep the breath meaningful. The seed was sown that would evolve in about a year, right about today, as The Pilgrim.